Everything seems to be going a little askew from life's plan, and it's not doing my brain any good at all.
Life is very difficult right now. Today I wanted to do some laundry, wash the floor, clean the bathroom and make dinner. I got the dinner part done, just about. Everything else will have to wait, I'll try again tomorrow. Even breathing seems hard.
We're trying to buy a house. Apparently that's one of the most stressful life events... Or something... Just when we think everything is going our way, something pops up and fucks everything up.
So I know I'm well within my rights to feel like this. It's ok. But it's so horrible.
I haven't had anxiety this bad in about ten years. There's too much on my mind, and there are far too many things happening in my life right now, and I feel like if I was able to just go to sleep for a couple of weeks, when I woke up everything might be over and done with, but I'm an adult so life doesn't actually work like that.
I can't see the other side of this though.
I feel like there's something heavy sitting on my chest. I don't know how to get it off. I've even been to the doctor. I never go to the doctor about this shit. She gave me some tablets that hopefully will work soon. In the meantime I just have to hold it together and smile when people are watching.
I wanted to write a bit about how I'm feeling because I think I mostly write bullshit and joke around, I wanted to see how this would feel. This SHARING.
It'd be cool if anyone wanted to comment and weigh in with their own problems. It'd be nice to hear from you.